I remember super clearly about a year ago, before Sonny turned 5. We were walking home from school with a friend and her kids, and her little boy, Sonny's age, turned to her and said, 'I love you SO much Mummy, you're the best mummy ever!'. And inside I wept a little, because I couldn't even imagine Sonny saying that to me, not on his own accord.
3 months ago, and I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget, Sonny and I were sat in the kitchen, him across from me. He looked up at me, all serious, with his massive eyes fixed on mine, and said, 'Mummy, this is important...(pause) You are the best mummy in the world.' And that moment was just like, wow. It was a slow exhale. I mean, my heart swells up now even reminiscing over it. As his language has flourished the last year, we have seen how big his heart is, how loving and caring he is. And my god, how funny he is! He's such a gorgeous, beautiful, loving boy. I am so touched when others come up to tell me how wonderful he is, how fascinating he is, how enamored they are with him. He has this effect on a lot of people. Sonny attracts those that are kind, and see the beauty in life. To be with him, and to see a glimmer into his world is fascinating. To just sit and watch him, to be invited by him to interact on some level into his world is just such a gift. He is such a beautiful soul, with the best intentions at heart. And as with all little boys, his interests have moved on from Dinosaurs to planets and the solar system, reciting off the planets and their moons, and he has even started to draw them now which I can't even begin to say what a huge leap forward that is. The planets are waning slightly with the newest fascination of snakes that has taken hold. And what they eat.... (gross....). What snake is this? And this? what do they eat? what does he eat? Then answering his own questions. Making up new snakes.. this is a coconut snake... What does it eat? Making snakes with blue tack (this is Pinky, made from pink tack...), curling it beautifully, precisely, and so realistically it's insane- perhaps a future skill in there? His entire face lighting up when we go to the pet shop to look at the snakes (and anything else that might be there). Sitting for hours in the museum across from the preserved snakes and just watching them, wondering where they are from, what they did, how they moved, and of course, what they ate. Scribbling squiggly lines that represent snakes, lots and lots of snakes, so many lines. Over and over. Looking almost like something from 'Stranger Things' or some parallel universe that is trying to communicate through Sonny. Telling me affectionately that mummy, you are a snake. A cuddly lovely snake. There's a compliment in there somewhere I just know it.
My husband aptly has called this past year for Sonny, 'The Year of the Shorts'. Meaning simply that. He has worn nothing but his most favourite pair of (too small) shorts and breezy summer t-shirt pretty much every day for a year. That's a lot of nights washing and drying to make sure it's A-OK for the morning (is it 'cleam' mummy?! yes Sonny, it will be clean...). Anything else is a massive NO GO ZONE!! We are talking a red, brick wall of anger, the red mist, the just 'don't even go there' zone. It's cold, raining, snowing (Oh I couldn't even watch), winds howling, yep... there we are in the shorts and t shirt. And here come the stares, the looks of disapproval from onlookers. My god what a terrible parent. Well there we are. We have managed on occasion to convince (bribe) him that perhaps a cardi (erm, SpiderMan only), or a jacket might be in his best interests as he is turning blue and *sometimes* this is OK. Until we enter a building or similar then it has to come off. Along with the socks and shoes. Adding more time to the already busy schedule of getting somewhere on time.
As our children grow, our lives are ever changing as we all adapt to each other. Sonny is no different to this, and I am learning that we have to find our own rhythm to make our lives work, not someone else's. Sonny keeps us on our toes, keeps us guessing what's next. We have no idea. We can make plans and dreams, but right now we are so focused on all our children being happy, seeing them thrive is such joy. It's exhausting at times, I hold my head in my hands and cry, I reach out to my girls for help when it's us four bustling about during the weekdays and Sonny refuses point blank to wear his uniform or decides to take it all off as we are literally walking out the door, and I take respite when the weekend comes and I can just take myself away for 5 blissful minutes. But I know I will look back on these times fondly, as they are my moments with them all and no moment will ever repeat itself. I learn from every hug, every tantrum, every meal time, every whisper. It's all part of the puzzle I am piecing together. I wonder if one day we will be able to see fully what and how Sonny sees this world, if he will be able to convey that to us, but for now I just love him being so affectionate and gorgeous and innocent, and to see so much happiness in his little cheeky face. To watch him as he thinks about something, as he sounds it out, feeling the words and visualising them. To search his eyes when he is so deeply in thought... It really makes me feel like I'm part of something special, something awesome.
The year of the shorts... I wonder what this next year will bring!
And I just have to add this last photo my friend has sent to me on this birthday which I think sums up so much right now. Love this x