The teen years are harder than I thought they would be. So many times I just want to scoop you up and make everything easier, but with you trying to find your own path my outstretched arms are thwarted. As much as it pains me, I know that this is just a journey you are taking to discover who you are. My heart lights up on the rare occasion when you reach out to me still, and every moment I do have with you I treasure. Even our quiet, sometimes sullen, car trips to school. I know that one day I wont be taking you to school anymore, and it makes me just want to spend every moment I can with you. I know that inside, you are still twirling with thoughts and emotions, and when I reach out and squeeze your hand and say I love you, you say it back.

As quiet as you are, you can also erupt and be loud and giggly, larking about with Sonny and Elle, or shrieking with laughter as you gabble away on the phone. After deciding to take a break from gymnastic competitions, the relief has been obvious and it's been lovely to see you more relaxed. You still spin endlessly around the room, even after a 4 hour gym stint, but it makes me smile.

Your never-ending talent for art is a wonder and it has made me so proud to see your beautiful watercolour art adorned on people's walls. You've done custom creations for so many different people and every one of them has been overjoyed with what you have created. Your room is typical of an artist, all disarray, canvases splayed all over, paints laid out on the floor, endless glasses half-filled with paint-stained water. I often find you upstairs, sat on the floor, earphones on, painting away at some new creation. Some of them light and airy, but mostly they are dark and beautiful.

Our discovery of St Ives has awoken a light inside you, and seeing your entire face filled with your beautiful smile is enough to make us want to pack up everything right away and move down by the sea if it guarantees your happiness. You are a fish in the water, effortlessly gliding and commanding the waves on the bodyboard as if this is where you were meant to be. Exploring walks along the coast and being away from all the distractions gives you the opportunities to be carefree.

You will always be my little girl, and I am in awe when I look up and see just how beautiful you are, and what a wonderful young woman you are becoming. I get excited when I think of how bright your future is, and how you can achieve anything. I hope that you find the confidence and self-love that you are searching for, it pains me to see you so hesitant and unsure of yourself. I know this will come when you're ready and when it does the world wont know what's coming, for you will be unstoppable. We just need to help you spread your wings so you can fly.

xx

You have always had such an energy about you, and you are starting to harness it and use it towards all things good. Your energy for life is infectious, you embrace everything with a full heart, and your door is always open to anyone. I love so many things about you, but your radiating love just encompasses me. Your entire face tells a story, and you love re-enacting every moment of your day, your friend's day, the lunch ladies' day, you just love everything about everyone.

Your passion to tell stories has blossomed, and you are such a wonder on stage. Screen plays, stories, poems, you want it all. I was so proud of you up stage at the MK festival of Arts, the second year you entered yourself with some friends, writing the play, acting it, directing it, thinking it all through. And the judge said how much you shone on stage and your wonderful energy. To get third place, with first and second going to official drama academies is something amazing.

You are so eager to please everyone, and give everything one million percent. You practice your marching for cadets up and down the hall, 'Left, right left right' and you spend what seems like hours meticulously ironing your uniform to get all the creases out so that you pass inspection. Even if you turned up upside-down and inside out they would still adore you there as already you have positioned yourself as a favourite.

You love being with people, and you are so much fun to have around. I love snuggling up with you in front of the telly, you commentating on everything we watch, so much so that we end up missing the plot. Yet you utilise your time alone to organise your room, read books, make beautiful revision notes, and cut out endless photos of friends to stick on your wall.

I'm wondering when you will grow into your long noodle arms and legs, and I know one day you'll come bounding down the stairs and will be taller than me.

I cannot believe you are now 13, I will always fondly cherish the little chubby blue-eyed doll you were and all the mischief you caused. You have always been so sure of yourself, and so determined. I am so proud of you and know that your future is blindingly bright and beautiful because you will be in it. You are as mad as a box of frogs, but so kind and gentle. You can be the loudest person on stage and also have the softest heart. You are just you, and I wouldn't change a single thing. xx

Every day I am so keen to hear about what's happened at school, I love how much you love being there. It's one of your safe spaces and you are so loved by all. Most kids would be thrilled to have the school closed for a burst pipe or the heating not working, but not you! Your little chin crumples, and your eyes go wide, and your brow furrows, and you are just so very sad if school is closed. Which always makes for an interesting summer... I think if you had your way you would stay there forever. You are a Favourite. A Star Pupil. Actually, you've already been awarded student of the week more times than I can count, are on the student council, though you aren't too sure what you're involvement is, and you now have a shiny new badge as Kindness Ambassador. You take great pride marching in the hallways and directing students to their classes, or helping someone in need. On our recent education plan, you wrote in the "What I want to be in the future' section quite specifically- 'When I am 17 I will be a TA, and when I am 25 an illustrator'. When questioned further about where you would be a TA, you replied, "I will be a teaching assistant at my school, of course'. Of course!!! I don't think they will ever let you go- and nor would you want to! You took your role as Postman Pat in the Christmas performance most seriously, and whilst your school peers gleefully ran around in joyful chaos, you delivered your role studiously and without mistake. Seeing you so confident and happy at school is such a huge turnaround from all those years ago, and every single day I whisper a quiet thank you to that amazing school.

Your limitless creativity overspills into your drawings which are becoming so detailed and your characters taking on more complex forms. You will disappear for hours upstairs with your new desk space which allows you to fully embrace all aspects of your art, and you present later with a full-on detailed drawing involving teeth, someone running away, and normally Pineapple Head in the corner. We are always wowed by your pieces. You adore creating board games full of evil twists and turns which makes you cackle with glee when one of the players (normally dad) is sent to their doom, so close to the finish line too. You delight in making all of the character pieces, drawing out the board, filling it in with monsters, slides, instructions, cards. You name it, it's all there. Your whole face lights up with joy as you explain the game to us, and we can't but laugh at the genius of it.

You still love trying new foods, and we love going out to restaurants now as we know you'll be OK with the food choices if given enough notice. Surprisingly, mussels with spaghetti makes you jump up and down with excitement, or anchovies and olives smothered over your pizza (yuck!). Your favourite lunch for school is a bagel with smoked salmon and cream cheese. Where did that boy go who lived off of beige?? You laugh at him now and say "remember when all I ate was nuggets and chips' Oh yes I very much do, how could I ever forget that time.

One of the best things we have done this past year is visit St Ives and take ourselves to the water! Donned in wetsuits and armed with bodyboards, we have all had such a blast. Your determination to master the bodyboard is relentless, and you strive to keep up with your sisters. You try so hard at everything you do, to the point that you are beyond distraught if you think you are unable to do so. Explaining to you that things take time is still an ongoing lesson and a difficult concept to grasp, but I know with your passion to do your best you will be able to achieve anything you put your huge sponge of a brain to.

Your need for routine is obvious, and you have mastered this yourself. Obeying all screen time rules is a dream for us as you switch your ipad off at 5 and take out a book, unlike your sisters who hide their screens away thinking we have forgotten. Your wake up call at 6:30 every morning. Even on the weekends, with a "DAAAAAAAD!! HAVE YOU FED THE DOGS?' Sonny- it's Sunday, go back to bed!

Sometimes our wakeups are more dramatic if there has been an incident, such as the cat leaving a mouse somewhere, or something has spilled in the kitchen. I remember one time recently, you screaming up the stairs at an ungodly hour, ‘OH NOOOOO OH NOOOOO OH NOOOOOO IM SORRY IMSORRYIMSORRYIMSORRY’ Me trying to unstick my eyelids and wondering what time it is as it’s still dark, asking what over and over again. Whats happened?? 'OHHH IM SORRRY IM SORRRRYYYYY!!!' Whats happened? What on earth is going on??? Finally… drum roll… 'I spilled the yogurt!!!!! AHHHHHH and the dogs have eaten it!!'

And I collapse back in bed. Thank the heavens for that I thought the house was burning down. Sweet lord. Time for me to get up, tidy up, and then console a very upset you who thinks the world has flipped on its head. And in moments like these we have to go back a few steps, take some breaths, and remind ourselves what the size of the problem is. And I am also reminded of this incident as I look at the dog who still has yogurt on his face. 

What I'm getting at is every day with you is so unique, there's always a smile or a laugh to be had from your journey that day. Your endless noise making fills the house, and it's so very quiet when you're not here. You fill our lives with colour, light, love, joy. Your little pearls of insight are priceless. I love every moment. Happy birthday sweet boy. xx

As you tread through these troubled waters of teenage-dom, working your way through friendships that once were there but perhaps now aren't what they first appeared to be, it has pushed you to put yourself out on the line. Those that you call your true friends see all the wonder of you and celebrate all that you do. Growing up can suck, but it can also be full of happy times. I love hearing you laugh as you chase your brother, or chatter away with your sister. I love how you are still working out who you are, but aren't afraid to express yourself in what makes you you.

Never give up on yourself, and never try to fit into someone else's mould. There have been some sharp lessons this year, but I see you rising to the challenge and I know you will come out top.

Your head totally in the gymnastics game as you fly down the track with 5 whips flic double twist to land. I applaud you for finding this place of release, for being so determined, for being so relentless. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are a force to be reckoned with. I am proud of all that you do, you come home with gold medals, silver medals, qualification into English Championships, selection onto the South Regional Squad. Yes these things are amazing, but they only make a small part of what makes you brilliant. These achievements are wonderful, but when you come up to me and give me a rare, surprise hug, well that just makes my heart spill over.

Know who you are, be proud of that, and don't let anyone get in your way. xx

xx

I arrived at Emily’s and immediately was given the warmest welcome. Emily was getting ready with her sister Rachel and her boyfriend Joseph along with 4 of their girls. Emily was in the best spirits, and I haven’t laughed that much in such a long time. I felt so at ease and their energy was contagious.

The ceremony had everyone in tears, including myself. Two of their girls did their own readings which didn’t leave a dry eye in the room. Emily and Rich have just the best chemistry and watching them was to be in the presence of true love. I love everything about Emily, even the fact she didn’t wear shoes down the aisle! Honestly, this made me smile so much.

I know I’m harping on about it, but genuinely the nicest most sincere couple I have met, which was reiterated in the speeches. The love everyone had for these two was immeasurable.

I have so many favourites from the day, but hands down, has to be Emily and Rich gleefully skipping away with me to explore the grounds, where Emily made a bee-line for the barn clearly mid-construction (and probably riddled with a list of health and safety hazards... there were dangling wires!), but she just lifted my heart so much. I spied some conifers in the distance (I am a sucker for trees...) however to get through them meant travelling across a field of mud. Did they bat an eyelid? No. As I nestled them amongst the thorns, thistles and stinging nettles, they were just full of laughs and smiles.

I cannot thank them enough, along with their family and friends, for being just the absolute best. Such beautiful people, all of them.

xx

Thank you Jane at Bradmoor Farm for being brilliant and so welcoming, it was wonderful visiting your venue for the first time!

Venue: Bradmoor Farm

MUA/Hair: Jodie Elleanor

Wedding dress: About a Bride

Bridesmaids dresses: Etsy, Coach

Flowers: Beautiful Blooms, Haddenham

A cancelled wedding in Cyprus due to the pandemic, a small intimate wedding last spring, a new gorgeous baby girl, and finally, the big celebrations on April 1st!! What a lot of planning and replanning for these guys! I'm sure they will say it was worth it all! I loved meeting these two last year for some photos shortly after they had a very intimate wedding service back when no one was allowed to go. We wandered around the canal in Campbell Park and all the daffodils were out and it felt like summer! Fast forward to a few weeks ago, and a very brisk blue-skied day for their wedding. We did find some daffodils, and also had some snow! It really was a buzzing day!

Dan and Danni were such a fun pair and embraced everything on their wedding day! The barn looked beautiful done up in fairy lights, with beautiful flower arrangements by Georgina from Jade Flower Boutique. We managed to go for a little walk in the woods to the stream which was stunning, and came back just in time for fish and chips and Krispy Kreme donuts. My kind of heaven!

Glorious and glorious all over. Thank you both for being such stars and for the warm hospitality, I felt very loved xx

Venue: Cruck Barn Bradwell Abbey

Flowers: Jade Flower Boutique

Dress: Belle En Blanc

MUA: Sophie Duffy

Hair: Donna O'Dell

Cake: Vickys Little Kitchen

The day started off with beautiful blue skies, and there had been rumours earlier in the week of snow which I immediately rolled my eyes at and said ‘no way’. Well, yes way. After a heart-felt ceremony, we all went outside for some confetti throwing and were greeted with blue skies but icy winds! We decided to do the large group photo on the lawns with me dangling out the window (I am always 100% up for this!), but alas!! As most of the guests were waiting it started to snow! And I mean SNOW SNOW!!! It was honestly like being inside a snow globe.

Hands down, such an amazing group of guests for being such sports and embracing the snow. After we all scrambled inside the blue skies returned so we ventured out for more photos, and again, the snow came! It carried on like this all day, but it was truly a remarkable one. I have never had such a contrast in photos from one wedding!! We experienced all seasons!

Weather aside, it was a very special day to be part of, and I am most humbled to have witnessed such a lovely pair get married.

Emmie and Callum, thank you so much for having me, it was the greatest xx

Venue: Crockwell Farm

Hair: Elizabeth Jane Wedding Hair

MUA: Sophie Duffy

Florist: Bride

Cake: Jamie Bakes Cakes

Dress: Serendipity brides, Evie Young

Men's attire: Slaters

I had such joy sharing a few hours of their wedding day with them, starting off with Natasha getting ready with a household of excited kids, to the beautiful St Mary's Church in Bletchly.

Natasha and Mark had many loved ones who sadly they had lost, and Natasha had little butterflies and photos sewn in to their clothes and flowers to keep them close to their hearts. It was all quite an emotional morning with these beautiful little tokens of love, as well as the build up to walking down the aisle. Natasha was amazing though and was surrounded by so much support and love from her friends and family that she held her own and made it through the ceremony with a huge smile on her face.

The kindest pair full of love for each other and their friends and family. It was a beautiful service and afterwards the glorious sun was close to setting, lighting up the magnificent magnolia tree on the church grounds. After a brisk photo session around the church, I bid the newlyweds goodbye as they drove off into the sunset and on to the party celebrations.

Thank you so much for having me xx

Dress: Wed2Be

Flowers: Bride made

Church: St Mary's Bletchly

My super kind-hearted girl. With the best intentions at heart and the need to please everyone. You still have that mischievous twinkle in your eye and a huge cheshire cat grin with your little dimple at the side, eyes lighting up when a new idea or thought quickly enters your mind. The need to share that thought is oh so much, and you talk a mile a minute to get every word out as if you are worried you might lose the ability to talk. You love to share everything, from the moment you wake up and recount the dreams you had, to discussing the subjects you'll have at school, then you disappear for the day only to burst through the door at 3:15 and ready to fill the air with your stories of the day. At times I find this distracting when I am in the middle of something, but I love hearing your sweet voice so much, and love hearing everything that you have done.

It seems forever ago when you were in primary school, and now you are a big year 7 and completely in love with the school and every club it has to offer.  Your blazer is adorned with all your pins which you gleefully tell me allows you to skip the queue at lunch time so that you can attend whatever club is happening that day. You are so keen to be a part of everything, and there's not enough of you to actually be able to do it all. Eagerly participating in Sustainability Club, Library Leader, School Choir, Drama, Hockey, Football. I don't know what you are doing one day from the next! You took part in the Milton Keynes Drama Festival with two of your friends and delighted in writing your own play. You light up when you are on stage, and it was a joy to watch you perform. Your group came first, and your hard work paid off. Already you are thinking of plot ideas for next years festival.

You also love taking part in your drama club outside of school, relishing in your big performance at Christmas time, determined not to get Covid so that you wouldn't miss out. You lit up the stage, it's like you were meant to be there.

I can see an entrepreneur emerging in you as you put yourself out there with money making schemes. Making bracelets to sell, and trying to work out the next project idea that will make you money. This is all to fund your way into acting, or if that doesn't pan out you would happily be a writer.

You put 110% into everything you do, your work, your projects, your friendships. You are surrounded by friends all the time, and if you aren't, then you are on the phone, catching up with the latest news. You love being with people so much, something that has never changed.

You are such a darling girl, and your happiness makes us so happy and proud. I love all the time we spend together, I love how you fill the room when you enter, it's never a dull moment with you around. You are just such a joyous person bursting with love and empathy for everyone. You are always on the move, you can never sit still. You must be touching something all the time, fiddling, poking, prodding. Laughing, singing, living your best life. Always the clown, always pushing the boundaries that little. bit. more. We say it often; you will go so far in life. Your passion in all that you do will get you there.

Every day with you is such a blessing. x

xx

One of my favourite things that we do that has come from lockdown (all those moons ago...) is us having a family meal together at the end of the day. And I think this is one of your highlights too. You sit at the head of the table for all to hear and see, and talk. And talk. And talk, while we eat. You love being involved with everyone, to the point where you have really pushed yourself with trying new foods. Two years ago, the food favourites were nuggets and chips, pizza, pasta, basically anything beige. But no? Step on over Jamie Oliver and lend us your books! We have a vegetable eater, a "fruit-trier", and your favourite meal- fish pie. Thats right. Prawns? Love them. Noodles? Throw in some chopsticks. Honestly,  180 degree transformation and I could not be happier! 

Your days of turning into the Hulk are few and far between now. What would once cause an explosion of catastrophic events, you are now able to put things into perspective, take some breaths, and only let Hulk's little pinky finger out. You are in so much more control, and this just makes me so happy and relieved. Because for a long time it did worry me. You are such a special, incredible boy, even your teachers are immensely proud of how you have emotionally matured. I even have your lovely Head of School ring me on numerous occasions, to say how proud she is of you (and of course to say how brilliant you are in general!). I hear you in the background, "Hey mum!" as you carry on with a task such as shredding papers.

Your favourite thing at the moment is Marvel, Thor, etc. Your love for knowledge is still at a high, absorbing everything in and reading books a mile a minute. Covid finally caught you, much to your dismay as it meant you had to miss school, which was not cool in your eyes. So we did Maths worksheets, reading, workbooks, you name it. You adore school and are a star pupil. And while we sit with our phones, you whip the calculator out with joy and continue to work out how time is different in Space and delight in telling me how many Earth hours equal so many minutes on Jupiter.

The lego love continues, your entire chubby little face lights up at a new lego set, but you are also beyond happy to sit for literally hours in your room creating your own lego monstrosities. Your love for drawing has also endured, with your incredibly unique confident style. You are just so creative, including the way you describe things. One of my favourites this year - "A slime with eyebrows" when you were describing a slug. 

You are certainly the class clown, keen to make those around you laugh and be happy. You are so sensitive to what everyone around you is feeling, and there's nothing more you love than a good joke. Your big eyes still seem disproportionate to your face and take up most of it, which are so incredibly beautiful it's very hard not to get trapped in them.

My little superstar, I love you so much I just can't contain it sometimes. You are at such a wonderful age and being around you is just the best thing ever. You are so funny and smart, and kind, and thoughtful. You are still my little boy and I just want to keep you that way forever. Off to find you for a squeeze....

xx

Cat and Joe, I am so happy for you both that you got your day, it was lush. Thank you for having me there xx

Suppliers:

Venue: The Great Barn Aynho

Dress: Ellis Bridals

Hair: Lauren Hayfield

MUA: SJG Makeup Artist

Flowers: Fayes Flowers

Cake: Vicki Carter

Music: Nick Papadopoulos (@nickthepap_music)

Hands down, it was a great night to party, and their guests sure did know how to throw down some shapes. I couldn't tear myself away from the dance floor, it was a blast.

Thank you for having me on such an enormous day xx

Venue: Furtho Manor Farm

Dress: London

Flowers: Miss Lillies Towcester

Cake: Sarah Ginn Towcester

Grooms attire: Empire Outlet

Pizza: Guiseppe's Pizza

Hair: Carla King Hair Studios

MUA: izzymuaartist

Kayleigh was getting ready upstairs with her boys and we were keeping our beady eyes out for Ash's arrival in Kayleigh's dad's mustang! There were a lot of stairs to run up and down and in the end I just kept an ear out as I was told I'd hear the car before I saw it! Ash's face was covered in a huge grin as he pulled up outside and all the groomsmen rallied round.

Everyone was really excited and also just brimming with happiness for these two. I took Kayleigh and Ash around the grounds later that evening, and had plans to visit every little corner but a big dark cloud had other plans. Whilst cosy-ing up under a tree, I confidently declared how it wouldn't rain and then 2 minutes later the heavens literally just opened! We ran to the little covered gazebo and after 5 minutes with no signs of letting up, I made a run for it inside the house where I had stashed some brollies. I deffo need to up my cardio game!

The speeches were brilliant, and followed by a little tribute from Jamie Mathias who was just amazing!! I can highly recommend his vocals! He kept everyone on the dance floor that evening. But I think my favourite part of the day- Kayleigh and her dad performing their duo on the dancefloor. I mean, that was just the bees knees to what was already a perfect day.

Ash and Kayleigh, you absolute gems. Thank you for being just perfect. xx

A little shout out to Maid of Honour Amy who was my godsend for the day, thank you thank you thank you xx

Suppliers:

Dress- Star Bridal

Bridesmaids dresses: Beginnings Bridal

Venue: Horwood House

Grooms suit: Milano Courture

Florist: The Flower Company

Hair: Luxe Hair Salon

MUA: YC Make Up

Singer/DJ: Jamie Mathias

They booked a little family shoot which we did outside on their original wedding day with their family which I thought was the sweetest idea, and then a year later the big day itself at the beautiful Missendon Abbey!

There was a hive of activity all over and so much to do with last minute changes here and there thanks to the pandemic. It was all so emotional and overwhelming as after waiting so long it was all really happening!  We waited up until the last minute before finding out that the guests did not have to wear masks much to everyone's complete relief! Oh what joy!! And everyone was just beaming with smiles as they sat in the beautifully decorated marquee waiting for things to begin. I doubt there was a dry eye in that room as Chantal and Alex exchanged their vows, it was such a mixture of joyous emotions for everyone!

It was clear that Chantal and Alex's family and friends were delighted to be there and be part of such a beautiful moment after such an arduous 18 months. It was just a breath of fresh air to be doing something spectacular and "normal" at the same time. Everyone spent the afternoon chilling outside and playing games, which gave us the perfect opportunity to sneak off and have a little wander around the grounds where we found some beautiful little spots. As I finished up with Alex and Chantal and that glorious light shone through the trees, my heart did a little skip of joy.

The most exciting part of the day for me was the fireworks which were a surprise for the guests! I had a lot of fun setting up with Jon who was filming for the day, and I couldn't wait to get home to see them blown up on the big screen.

Chantal and Alex, you are such a wonderful, kind, thoughtful pair who clearly are adored by everyone, it was a blessing to be part of such a magical day. xx

Suppliers:

Venue: Missenden Abbey

Cake: Ice Delights Cakes

Flowers: Woburn Wedding Flowers

Dress: Serendipity Brides

Make up artist: Jema Jakes MUA

Hair: Dolly and team at London Road hair and Beauty

Fireworks: Dynamic Fireworks

Entertainment: Timeless Entertaintment

Chair and Bannister decs: Truly Divine Event Decor

Cake Topper: Artlocke Designs

I eagerly met with them 2 days before the wedding for the rehearsal and we enjoyed a most beautiful evening and sunset, but we knew it wasn't going to last. Bev is a huge part of the cricket community and the groundskeeper so he was on the pitch getting the covers ready for the impending rain. It would seem we had used our 2 week summer sun quota and the heavens were on their way with a bucket load of rain. And rain it did. Biblical proportions. But it was beautiful. It did not dampen one spirit, though I did notice Bev looking at the sodden pitch with a hint of grief.

Their day enforced the love that these two and all their friends and family have. It was all just WOW. The guests, Sadie, Bev, they all just embraced every moment of that most beautiful day, and I could not be more happy for them.

You guys finally did it, it was a wet one, but it did not stop the dancing and the love.

Suppliers:

Venue: Eversholt Hall

Wedding dress: Gowns and Garters in Thrapston

Bridesmaids dresses: David's Bridal

Flowers: The Flower Boutique UK

Hair: Charlotte Hemel Hair

Cake: Mini Cakes from Sponge

Musician: Tristan Mackay

Bev's suit: Hugo Boss

Without a doubt though, I puff up with pride when I think of your talents. I am always in awe of the things you do. Your art is such a wonderful expression of your thoughts and feelings and I am excited to see where that takes you.

A year off gym, and you did not miss one single zoom training session. It was no surprise then that on your long-awaited return to gym you were like a duck to water and straight back on that track doing what comes so naturally to you. I ask what you achieved at gym, 'just a double twist' and here I am struggling to reach my toes. You keep your victories and accomplishments close to your heart which frustrates me as I want you to light up with pride at what you can achieve. But then you make me laugh, and also I admire, when you tell me you attempt a triple twist and land on your face. You laugh it off and say it's part of the process. Me? If there was any chance I'd land on my face doing something, guaranteed I wouldn't even try. That takes so much courage which you don't even realise, it's just another shoulder shrug and let's get on with it (is that another eye-roll?!).

As I get older, my view on the world and how we live in it changes. There's this balance to find between trying to impart what I have learned along the way, but also letting you figure things out for yourself. I see you roll your eyes when I try to explain something, this impatience for you to just get out there and sort it for yourself. I just want you to know that when the time comes when you do need me, I will be here always.

If we are to take anything away from us in these last 12, 15, 18 months of crazy, it's this. Life continues to go on regardless. Worries don't get us anywhere. Speak up and be heard, and ask yourself, what's the worst that can happen if I do this? Embrace every moment with every cell in your body, experience life and love, let yourself feel joy and happiness, which will also open up the door for heartache and sorrow. But to live is to love, it's to feel. I don't know if you'll ever know how much I love you, maybe one day if you have a daughter of your own. It's a fierceness that overrides everything and leads to such a mixture of emotions. I want you to be happy, and remember to smile. xx

xoxo

I remember last year on your birthday, going out for our ‘last dinner’ before restrictions came into effect and the whole world seemed to just come to a grinding halt.

It was all rather surreal, and we all reacted differently as we scrambled to adapt to this new way of living. Through it all, you brought the positivity, the hugs, the helping hands (and of course the questions).

I have seen in the last year how much you have stepped up, and I have been so incredibly proud of everything you have achieved in these last 12 months. Your determination to strive has astounded me. You have so much drive and passion, and don’t let anything get in your way.

You have been my little helper, always on hand to help with dinner, the chores, taking care of Sonny. And always with such a smile. I can't even begin to express my thanks for these simple gestures that may seem so small but mean the most.

Your resilience has been unfaltering. On down days, you have still managed to pick yourself up and carry on, often us with you. Giving us your classic big hugs, filling the entire house with your singing, or shaking the walls with your raucous laugh, we have always felt your presence, and that brings so much comfort. You pretty much taught yourself for almost a year,  getting on with your work every day. The first lock down we all thought it would be quite fun home-schooling, but the novelty soon wore off and it was plain to see how much you needed school, your peers, and the praise and guidance of your teacher. You soldiered on though, and I think you have learned so much about yourself on that journey. The tears flowed, but they came with hugs, and your big blue eyes would sparkle through those tears and I could see your inner strength in them. 

The summer months were full of long walks in the fields, picnics on your bikes, a sneaky little trip to France that was much needed to break away from the spell, with the promise of some form of normality on our return. This was short lived, and reality came back with a bump!

Homeschool take 2- you totally owned it this time round. You were there, 8am sharp bright as a button. You eagerly did your work and took photos of it to send to your teacher, delighting in the almost instant feedback she gave you (best teacher ever). You videoed yourself doing news reports. You wrote, and wrote, and wrote, and your creative soul just burst free. You suddenly had a way with words, your descriptions were moving, you connected with your characters. I truly believe you have unlocked a gift. You write from your soul, which is empathetic, full of love, full of mystery, and this is reflected in your words.

For the last 3 years you have asked, and been denied, roller skates. And with good reason as your clumsiness, though endearing, has stayed with you and simple tasks like walking down the road end up with a bruise or scrape of some description. However, it was difficult to say no yet again to that cheeky face and those engulfing eyes, so we (I) caved. This last Christmas, your entire being was brimming with pure joy as you unwrapped your shiny new skates. And all the protective gear that came along with them (we decided bubble wrapping you was perhaps a step too far but the jury still isn't out on that one). Christmas day, freshly out of their box, you had them on. Outside, just the need to be moving. Since that day, and every single day after, you have been out there, rocking those skates, come rain, snow, hurricane, wind, ice, you have not given up. Your sheer grit and determination has pulled off though, and now you glide along, effortlessly, your reward for your persistence. Even when you fall (which still happens as you have a tendency to be too absorbed in everyone else rather than watching where you are going), you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and carry on. I honestly don’t know anyone as strong-minded. Well, one person comes to mind who you fondly take after.

I love so many things about you, I love how you make everything exciting, you make everything seem so wonderful and amazing. Nothing is out of your reach. We are both so excited for you and your journey into secondary school in the fall, how can that be already! I still look back with nostalgia at photos and videos of this little girl, with the biggest smile and even larger blue twinkly eyes and a mouth the size of an ocean, and I just can’t believe you are not that little person anymore. Instead, you are this beautiful young person, more in control of her thoughts and actions, so unbelievably kind and caring, and just an absolute joy to be around. Your life will always be an event, you create a world of drama around you with you at the core. Each chapter in your life is so exciting and wonderful, and I know you will just lead such a full life with endless possibilities.

I love you more than the moon pulls the tide, you are such a perfect bundle of everything good. Continue to always follow your heart. xx

So my excitable little boy!!! Can I just say, with 2020 being what it was, how immensely proud I am of ALL my children for surviving each other and us parents. Lock down v1.0 was not easy. There were a LOT of tears, tantrums, meltdowns (yes these have their own classification as they differ hugely to a tantrum). But this post is not about lockdown, and the crappy parts of 2020, it is about how you, my little super star, have again flourished and exploded with new ideas and energy and life.

During the early months of last year, missing your class and your teacher, you got (even more) creative!! Filming was the way forward, and not just any filming- stop motion filming! Wow what fun that was, and we did some crazy videos, mainly starring your beloved "Movie Toys" as you fondly christened them for the role. This included your favourite "plush toy" pineapple head, along with rex the dinosaur, and a few others that I honestly can't remember their names. These movies delighted your teacher, and when you were able to return part time to school, you continued to explore filming and had just the best time.

It’s been amazing to see how you have been more in control of your emotions, and able to get your feelings across more. I was relieved that although we started discussing Halloween in August (Ohhh myyy), you didn't get flappy about it at all, and were accepting of the fact that it was still many many months away (Christmas wasn't even mentioned until AFTER Halloween.... huge progress!). All light-heartedness aside, this is actually a humongous step forward, and there were cracks as we got closer to said holidays, but wow what an amazing transformation. I do love how, on the weeks when I was being a bit lack-lustre, you created your own schedules so that you were clear on where you had to be and when (home, and home. With stop motion scheduled in, and a hot chocolate break).

This last year you have embraced foods outside the colour beige! Including vegetables! I think now we are up to 6 carrot slices and a family of peas (not to be confused with a crowd). Bananas are OK if they are the right shade of yellow and size, and red grapes are a go! Such amazingness.

Your love for new concepts is expanding, no longer are snakes and dinosaurs the passion, but Lego fills you with joy as you sit for hours until your creation is complete! Spider man and his friends have been allowed into the Movie Toy gang, but you still have a soft spot for your plush toys (as you fondly call them!). You created "Sonema" (=cinema+ sonny time) where we would come together as a family, choose a film and snuggle down with some snacks. You even made tickets for the events. No ticket, no entry. You also came up with a book club! Where we would gather once a month, with our books in hand, and a hot chocolate in the other, to give a recap on what we had read. You absolutely loved it, and it's something we will continue to do. I also adored "Cafe O" where me and dad would put some coffee shop jazz music on, turn the kitchen around into a make-shift cafe, including writing drinks and food specials on the board, for you and your sisters to come in and place an order. I loved sitting around the table chatting to you all. 

Your stubbornness is starting to work in your favour- deciding one day to ride your bike without stabilisers so you jumped on your sister's bike and just ....went. And now look at you go! a few weeks on and you are just a giggling flash flying by! It brings us such joy and we are beyond proud.

Doing your photos this year was so much fun, you couldn't wait as you knew they would go in your special book for next year. I think it's clear to say I am completely obsessed with your eyelashes, and your face in general which is just so beautiful. But the sunshine- argh! At one point I said to you, "the sun always seems to shine for you" which actually is a beautiful thing (it does make photographs more of a challenge).  It wasn't until I started looking back through the photos that I could see a glimpse of what you will look like when you are grown, and it took my breath away. I see such a positive future for you, one that I didn’t know existed before, but with each year you just become even more amazing. You teach us all so much, and your sponge of a mind is something fascinating. The terms you use to describe things are so articulate and precise, and your recounting of facts always astounds me. You are a remarkable boy, and I am so excited for you and this wonderful part of your life.

Happy birthday to our gorgeous son! Continue to be you. xx

 Love xox