Oh Izzy... How Did We Get to 18 Already?

My darling Isabelle,

You’d think after 18 years I’d have so much to say. And yet, here I am, completely at a loss for words, unable to convey what this moment means to me. So bear with me when I blurb the following.

For so long, you, your brother and sister have been the epicentre of my world. The thought of you not always being by my side, or just two floors up, makes me pause in a way I wasn’t quite prepared for.

I know it may sound like something every parent says, but it’s true: when you first hold your baby in your arms, the world shifts. Everything changes in that moment. What you cannot possibly imagine then is how quickly the years will pass, or how one day that tiny baby will be standing in front of you as a fully grown adult, ready to begin a life that stretches beyond the walls of home.

And as proud as I am of you, that takes my breath away a little.

I know every year I tell you how proud I am of the challenges you have overcome, and this year is no different. But this year feels bigger somehow. You have pushed yourself through your A-levels, been so focused even on the days when you just.did.not.want.to.do (business) anymore. But it’s all worth it. And I remember that moment when your dad and I walked into the kitchen, and you had this look, and you said you had an unconditional offer to study at Brighton. I dropped everything and cried. Not because I was sad. Not because I was worried (well actually yes to both of those, but also)... Because I was so proud.

Proud of what you have pushed through. Proud of how hard you have worked. Proud of the hours upon hours you have spent honing your art down to the most minute detail; the tiny choices, every little dot... the careful touches that most people will miss, but that you will always know are there.

That’s you, Isabelle. A creator with the highest standards. A perfectionist in the most beautiful sense. Someone who cares deeply, even when you don’t announce it.

You have always kept your heart so protected. You don’t give your love away freely; people have to earn it. But when you choose someone, when you let them in, being loved by you is everything. It is real, rare, loyal and deep. And these last few months, watching you open yourself up and light up with joy has felt quietly monumental. Seeing you float around the house, calling out for hugs, I find myself competing with our kitty Michael for that spot. 

I didn't know I could love a person so much, and it seems to just grow with every passing moment. I adore the person you are becoming; the confidence you have found, the strength in your voice, and the way you speak with such pride, passion and courage about the things that matter to you. I love hearing you laugh with your sister, chatting, singing; the shouting not so much, but I know I will miss it bouncing off our walls.

And now the world is opening up for you, I wonder: what will you do? Where will you go? I would keep you here with me forever if I could, but I know I cannot keep a butterfly indoors. The world is yours now. Brighton is there for you if you want it, but I hope you never feel you have to put yourself in a box. I hope you follow the path that makes your heart sing.

I am so incredibly excited for you, and I am also going to miss you in ways I cannot even put into a sentence. Every day is a gift, and having you in mine has been priceless. So it would seem I have found some words after all, but I just don’t feel they are enough.

You have changed my life forever. 

I saw this quote, and it touched my heart so I will leave it here:

“Happiness is realising the baby girl you once held in your arms has grown into a fiercely independent, deeply kind, and wildly capable soul.”

xx